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Just Like Coral. . .Sometimes It Is Rough. . .So Some Items Are Rated X

Vilano Beach, FL (AP) The Florida Dude was asked who he was for, for President, which he replied, "I am for fellow Vietnam Vet John McCain and any one running against Hillary Clinton."

New Word: Ignoranus (Ig-Nor-Anus)A person who's both stupid...and an asshole.

E.D.

(Contributed by Perry Woods)

Anal Sex

(Contributed by Rodger Smith)

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.

'Actually, yes, I do.'

'Does it hurt you?' he asked.

'No. I rather like it.'

'Well, then,' the doctor continued, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.'

The woman was mystified. 'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?'

'Of course,' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think Democrats come from?

The Truth Is Finally Out

(Contributed by Howard Meagle)

Some time ago, President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to get a replacement on short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby-looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this was the best they could do on such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief of Staff, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay, but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little funny. By the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.

It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his rear end, which made him feel even worse. By now, the President was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom.

He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened. As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees.

As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard the President whisper in a barely audible voice, "Sack my cook."

And that, my friend, is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.


 

Obama Button

(Contributed by Rick Tallman)

You Want Change...

(Contributed by Mike "Gunner" Thompson)

Hillary's Aircraft

(Contributed by Bob Dinkins)

Viagra Light Switch Cover

(Contributed by Perry Woods)

Hillary's Dream

(Contributed by Perry Woods)

Hillary's Dream II

(Contributed by Perry Woods)

The Finger of Truth

(Contributed by Jack Shuler)

Politician's Car

(Contributed by Jack Jackson)

They Don't Know Whether They Are Coming or Going

Bumper Sticker Says It All

(Contributed by Perry Woods)

Women Love Sensitive Men

(Contributed by Perry Woods)

Sign Change

(Contributed by Rick Tallman)

Senator Craig's Christmas Greeting

(Contributed by Jack Jackson)

New Cereal

(Contributed by Jack Jackson)

Life's Story

(Contributed by Gloria Sartin)

The Christmas Card

(Contributed by Tom Cronk)

Wedding Invitation

(Contributed by Kerry Pardue)

IRS Pencil Sharpener

(Contributed by Bruce Bates)

Political Witch

(Contributed by Shaun Szarnicki)

Let's Make This Perfectly Clear

(Contributed by Perry Woods)

Let's Ride

(Contributed by Fred Edwards)

Hillary Clinton

(Contributed by Jack Shuler)

How Many?

(Contributed by Roy Bauch)

When You Know The U.S.A. Has Been In Iraq Too Long

(Contributed by Tom Cronk)

The Assault

(Contributed by Perry Woods)

The Message

(Contributed by Deborah Hassinger)

Bumper Sticker

(Contributed by Gerry Jones)

A Magazine for the Whipped Man

(Contributed by Perry Woods)

Best Political Cartoon EVER !

(Contributed by Florida Dude)

Political Truth

(Contributed by Ed Martin)

Septic Tank Pump Truck

T Says It All

(Contributed by the world famous Alexander)

Stupid Photo Winner

(Contributed by Perry Woods)

I Prefer Carter Lumber

(Contributed by Perry Woods)

Modern Day Hang Man

(Contributed by The Florida Dude)

Taliban Singles OnLine

(Contributed by Shaun Szarnicki)

DC Class Picture

(8 years after Bill Clinton left office)

(Contributed by Jack Jackson)

DMV Missed This One

(Contributed by Perry Woods)

Friendship Plaque

(Contributed by Debbie Hassinger)

A Question To Ponder

(Contributed by Jim Clark)

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty?

Gov. Jeb Bush Unveils New Plan to Protect Florida from Hurricanes - State gives go-ahead to Trojan Company

(Contributed by Cecilia Johnson)

Hitting The Nail On The Head

(Contributed by Bob Bluhm)

Winner of Stupid Caption Contest

(Contributed by J.P.)

 

Double Meaning

(Contributed by Jim Clark)

The Real Question

(Contributed by Roy Bauch)

Hold On

(Contributed by Jack Shuler)

Men - NOT Ladies First

(Contributed by Steve Nelson)

Mexifornia Drivers License

(Contributed by Bob Bluhm)

President Bush Deploys The
Ultimate Border Control Protection

(Contributed by Jim Clark)

Ever Wonder What Happened to Alfred E. Newman?

(Contributed by Jack Shuler)

Love / Hate Shirt

(Contributed by Bob Bluhm)

(Contributed by Ellen Jane Butler)

It Speaks For Itself

(Contributed by Gerry Jones)

A Very Good Suggestion

(Contributed by The Florida Dude)

Tough week for the administration. Scandals. Leaks. Sagging poll numbers. Economy sliding. They deserve a break.

I suggest Bush and Cheney take time off....and Go hunting....
 

The First Remote Control

(Contributed by Gloria Franks)

Just One Question

(Contributed by Jack Jackson)

Democrat or Republican - This is funny

(Contributed by Perry Woods)

New Florida Word: Tourons

Half Tourist - Half Moron


 

Just Looking For A Cheeseburger In Paradise

My Kinda Singer

Found It

New ParrotHeads are Born Daily !

Jimmy Buffett

Lost Shaker of Salt

In Margaritaville !

Our Leader - Mr. Jimmy Buffett

Born December 25, 1946, in Pascagoula, Miss., but raised in Mobile, Ala., Buffett describes his songs as "90 percent autobiographical," a statement attested to by his narratives of wine, women and song. He is "the son of the son of a sailor,” and he describes his grandfather's life in "The Captain and the Kid."

His father was a naval architect who often took Buffett on sailing trips. Buffett studied journalism at the University of Southern Mississippi. Working as the Nashville correspondent for Billboard magazine, he built up the contacts that led to his 1970 debut for Barnaby Records, but the album and its follow-up were not well produced.

Buffett settled in Key West, Fla., and although initially involved in smuggling, he changed his ways when offered $25,000 to make an album for ABC Records. He went to Nashville, recorded "A White Sport Coat and a Pink Crustacean" for $10,000 and bought a boat with the remainder. The album included several story songs about misdemeanors ("The Great Filling Station Holdup," "Peanut Butter Conspiracy"), together with the lazy feel of "He Went to Paris," which was recorded by Waylon Jennings. His humorous "Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw?" was written under the pseudonym of Marvin Gardens, who made imaginary appearances at Buffett's one-man concerts. Living and Dying in 3/4 Time included his U.S. Top 30 hit "Come Monday.”

Buffett's 1974 album, A1A, was named after the access road to the beach in Florida, and he commented, "I never planned to make a whole series of albums about Key West. It was a natural process." Buffett also wrote the music for a movie about cattle rustlers, Rancho Deluxe, scripted by his brother-in-law Tom McGuane. McGuane described Buffett's music as lying "at the curious hinterland where Hank Williams and Xavier Cugat meet,” and Buffett was the first person to consistently bring Caribbean rhythms to Nashville.

In 1975, Buffett formed the Coral Reefer Band and their first album together, Havana Daydreaming. His next album, arguably his best, "Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes," included the million-selling single and Top 10 hit "Margaritaville.” A bitter verse about "old men in tank tops" was initially omitted but was included on Buffett's irrepressible concert album, You Had to Be There. Buffett reached the Top 10 with "Son of a Son of a Sailor," which included "Cheeseburger in Paradise" (a pop hit) and "Livingston Saturday Night."

He continued to record prolifically, moving over to contemporary rock sounds, but his songs began to lack sparkle. The best tracks on two of his albums were remakes of standards, "Stars Fell on Alabama" and "On a Slow Boat to China.” Hot Water, released in 1988, included guest appearances by Rita Coolidge, the Neville Brothers, James Taylor and Steve Winwood but failed to restore him to the charts. Fruitcakes included two of his most humorous tracks, "Everybody's Got a Cousin in Miami" and "Fruitcakes" itself. The excessive length of both songs (over seven minutes each) indicated that he was ignoring potential radio and video play and merely playing for his fans.

His commercial fortunes improved in the mid-‘90s with a series of Top 10 albums on his custom imprint, Margaritaville (also the name of his store). Carnival was the soundtrack to an adaptation of Herman Wouk's Don't Stop the Carnival and an interesting stylistic diversion for the singer. In 1999, he launched his own Mailboat imprint, ending a long association with major labels. (The Margaritaville imprint was released through Island Records). He also runs Radio Margaritaville, a free-form, 24-hour Internet radio station.

His songs continue to reflect his Key West lifestyle and to quote "He Went to Paris": "Some of it's tragic and some of it's magic, but I had a good life all the way." He remains a major concert attraction, especially in Florida where he addresses his fans as “Parrotheads.” The magnificent 72-track, 4-CD box set, Boats, Beaches, Bars & Ballads, includes the Parrothead Handbook.

At the 2003 CMA Awards in Nashville, Buffett and Jackson opened the show with “It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere.” After winning the vocal event award later that night, Buffett noted, “It was about 31 years ago that I came to this town to pursue my musical madness, and I've never won anything for anything, and it's great to do it here.”

In July 2004, Buffett released "License to Chill," a new album on RCA Records Nashville. The first single, a remake of Hank Williams’ “Hey, Good Lookin’,” features guest vocals by Clint Black, Kenny Chesney, Alan Jackson, Toby Keith and George Strait. Buffett, Jackson and Strait teamed up for a concert at Texas Stadium in Dallas on May 29, 2004.

Jimmy Buffett proved he isn't "wasting away" anywhere as he topped the U.S. pop albums chart on Wednesday July 21st, 2004,for the first time in his three-decade career.

The laid-back singer/songwriter's latest effort, "License to Chill" (RCA), sold 238,600 copies in its first week of release ended July 18, according to Nielsen SoundScan.

All The Dude Can Say Is, "FINS UP!"

Trivia

Q - Where is the ONLY Lounge gig that Jimmy Buffett was fired?

A - The Tropical Trade Winds Lounge, St. Augustine, FL

Hear Jimmy's LIVE Concerts, by clicking on http://www.radiomargaritaville.com/

Before you buy a Car. . .Read This (Click Below) !!

Confessions of a Car Salesman

A MUST-READ
before you go to the Dealership

 

Click On Bird for Funny RedNeck Pictures

Kill Mosquitoes On Your Patio

(Contributed by Tammie Mason)

To keep those pesky mosquitoes at bay when you are sitting around the pool or on the patio, place a White dinner plate on a table and put a little Lemon Joy dish washing liquid in the middle.  For some reason, the Lemon scent attracts and kills the mosquitoes.

Give It A Try - It Works !

Health Tip From Rhea Graves of Mobile, Alabama:

Two weeks prior to visiting the Vilano Beach, take a 100mg, B-1 Vitamin twice per day, then one per day while at the Beach, and you won't be bothered by Mosquitoes.

The Dude Tried It. . .And It WORKS !

 
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