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* Coral Reef *
Just Like Coral. . .Sometimes It Is Rough. . .So Some Items Are Rated X
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| New Word: Ignoranus (Ig-Nor-Anus): A person who's both stupid...and an asshole. |
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| The Jacksonville Zoo has an African Lion. The White House has a lyin' African. |
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Truth In Advertising
(Contributed by Dave Cuva)

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Back In The Day
(Contributed by Mark Stewart)
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Carnation Milk Slogan
(Contributed by Allen Good)

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History Lesson
(Contributed by Dale Summers)
It was the first day of school in the USA for a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.
Who said 'Give me Liberty or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his
hand up.
"Patrick Henry, in 1775," he said.
"Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for
the People, shall not perish from the Earth'?"
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, in
1863," said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed...
Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its
history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper, "Damn those Indians."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Chandrasekhar put his hand up. "General Custer, in 1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares around and asks, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Chandrasekhar says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime
Minister, in 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to
the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, in 1997!"
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit. If you
say anything else, I'll kill you."
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael
Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, in 2004."
The teacher fainted.
And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone
said, "Oh crap, we're screwed!"
AND CHANDRASEKHAR SAID QUIETLY, "I THINK IT WAS THE AMERICAN PEOPLE,
NOVEMBER 4, 2008."
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A New Gun
(Contributed by Bill Hardwicke)
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Every Little Girl's Dream
(Contributed by Scott J. Smith)
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Warm Winter Welcome
(Contributed by Wesley Roberts)
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The Other Letter
(Contributed by The Florida Dude)
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Crocked Elections
(Contributed by Paul Bronson)
A politician was walking home from the county courthouse the
evening of Election Day when he came upon a young boy sitting on the curb,
bawling his eyes out.
"Why are you crying?" the politician asked.
"My dad died," the boy replied.
"That's terrible, when did it happen?"
"Five years ago," the boy said.
"Five years ago? And you are still this upset?"
"It's not that," the boy said. "It's just that my dad voted today, but he didn't
come to see me."
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Democrats
(Contributed by Perry Woods)

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House Not Armed
(Contributed by Joe Driscrol)

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Happy Halloween
(Contributed by Kerry Pardue)

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New Golf Ball
(Contributed by Kerry Pardue)

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Hospital Tour
(Contributed by Gerry Jones)
A wealthy woman was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.
"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's absolutely disgraceful! ...... Why is he doing that?"
The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."
''Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay" said the woman..
As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient lying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him.
Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOD! Now tell me how that can be justified?"
The doctor spoke very calmly, "Same illness, but much better health plan."
Know The Difference
(Contributed by Allen Good)

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Nagging Wife
(Contributed by Rodger Smith)
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay
of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was
feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?'
'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and
poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the
bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself
up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told
that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of
execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go
upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she
was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs
and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said. To which he whirled around
and screamed,
'FOR PETE'S SAKE, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'
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Learn To Speak English
(Contributed by The Florida Dude)
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Abstract Noun
(Contributed by Perry Woods)

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Before and After Marriage
(Contributed by Burt Sherwood)

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Luxury Car
(Contributed by Jack Shuler)
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Luxury cars are soon
to be a thing of the past. They have always been
beyond my means but I took out a luxury car last
week, just to drive that sucker.
The salesman sat in the back seat describing the car and options. The seats were of particular interest. He explained the seats directed warm air to your butt during the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat. I stated the car must be a Republican car. He asked why I thought it was a Republican car? I explained if it were a Democratic car the seats would blow smoke up your ass year 'round. |
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How To Serve Chicken Wings To A Man
(Contributed by Rodger Smith)

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The Mustang Ranch In 1990 and $750 Billion Bail-Out Of Today
(Contributed by The Florida Dude)
In 1990 the government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in
Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.
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O. J. Solution
(Contributed by Roy Bauch)
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Viagra Light Switch Cover
(Contributed by Perry Woods)

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The Finger of Truth
(Contributed by Jack Shuler)

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Politician's Car
(Contributed by Jack Jackson)

They Don't Know Whether They Are Coming or Going
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Bumper Sticker Says It All
(Contributed by Perry Woods)

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Women Love Sensitive Men
(Contributed by Perry Woods)

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The Christmas Card
(Contributed by Tom Cronk)

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Wedding Invitation
(Contributed by Kerry Pardue)

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IRS Pencil Sharpener
(Contributed by Bruce Bates)
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Let's Make This Perfectly Clear
(Contributed by Perry Woods)

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Let's Ride
(Contributed by The Florida Dude)

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How Many?
(Contributed by Roy Bauch)

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When You Know The U.S.A. Has Been In Iraq Too Long
(Contributed by Tom Cronk)

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The Assault
(Contributed by Perry Woods)

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The Message
(Contributed by Deborah Hassinger)

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Bumper Sticker
(Contributed by Gerry Jones)

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A Magazine for the Whipped Man
(Contributed by Perry Woods)

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Best Political Cartoon EVER !
(Contributed by Florida Dude)

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Political Truth
(Contributed by Ed Martin)
Septic Tank Pump Truck
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IT Says It All
(Contributed by Howard Meagle)

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Stupid Photo Winner
(Contributed by Perry Woods)

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I Prefer Carter Lumber
(Contributed by Perry Woods)

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Modern Day Hang Man
(Contributed by The Florida Dude)
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Taliban Singles On-Line
(Contributed by Shaun Szarnicki)

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DC Class Picture
(8 years after Bill Clinton left office)
(Contributed by Jack Jackson)

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Virginia DMV Missed This One
(Contributed by Perry Woods)

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Friendship Plaque
(Contributed by Debbie Hassinger)

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A Question To Ponder
(Contributed by Jim Clark)
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty?
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| Gov. Jeb Bush Unveils New Plan to Protect |
| Florida from Hurricanes. |
| State gives go-ahead to Trojan Company |
(Contributed by Cecilia Johnson)

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Hitting The Nail On The Head
(Contributed by Bob Bluhm)

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Winner of Stupid Caption Contest
(Contributed by J.P.)
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Double Meaning
(Contributed by Jim Clark)

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The Real Question
(Contributed by Roy Bauch)

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Hold On
(Contributed by Jack Shuler)

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Men - NOT Ladies First
(Contributed by Steve Nelson)

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Mexifornia Drivers License
(Contributed by Bob Bluhm)

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President
Bush Deploys The
Ultimate Border Control Protection
(Contributed by Jim Clark)

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Ever Wonder What Happened to Alfred E. Newman?
(Contributed by Jack Shuler)

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Love / Hate Shirt
(Contributed by Bob Bluhm)

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Fukitol Pill
(Contributed by Ellen Jane Butler)

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It Speaks For Itself
(Contributed by Gerry Jones)

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A Very Good Suggestion
(Contributed by The Florida Dude)
Tough week for the administration. Scandals. Leaks. Sagging poll numbers. Economy sliding. They deserve a break.
I suggest Bush
and Cheney take time off....and Go hunting....
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The First Remote Control
(Contributed by Gloria Franks)

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Just One Question
(Contributed by Jack Jackson)

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Democrat or Republican - This is funny
(Contributed by Perry Woods)

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New Florida Word: Tourons
Half Tourist - Half Moron
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Just Looking For A Cheeseburger In Paradise
| My Kinda Singer |
Found It |
New ParrotHeads are Born Daily ! |
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Jimmy Buffett |
Lost Shaker of Salt |
In Margaritaville ! |
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Our Leader - Mr. Jimmy Buffett Born December 25, 1946, in Pascagoula, Miss., but
raised in Mobile, Ala., Buffett describes his songs as
"90 percent autobiographical," a statement attested to
by his narratives of wine, women and song. He is "the
son of the son of a sailor,” and he describes his
grandfather's life in "The
Captain and the Kid." His songs continue to reflect his Key West lifestyle
and to quote "He Went to Paris":
"Some of it's tragic and some of it's magic, but I had a
good life all the way." He remains a major concert
attraction, especially in Florida where he addresses his
fans as “Parrotheads.” The magnificent 72-track, 4-CD
box set, Boats, Beaches, Bars & Ballads, includes the
Parrothead Handbook. Jimmy Buffett proved he isn't "wasting away" anywhere as he topped the U.S. pop albums chart on Wednesday July 21st, 2004,for the first time in his three-decade career. The laid-back singer/songwriter's latest effort, "License to Chill" (RCA), sold 238,600 copies in its first week of release ended July 18, according to Nielsen SoundScan. All The Dude Can Say Is, "FINS UP!" Trivia Q - Where is the ONLY Lounge gig that Jimmy Buffett was fired? A - The Tropical Trade Winds Lounge, St. Augustine, FL
Hear Jimmy's LIVE Concerts, by clicking on http://www.radiomargaritaville.com/ |
Before you buy a Car. . .Read This (Click Below) !!
Click On Bird for Funny RedNeck Pictures
Kill Mosquitoes On Your Patio
(Contributed by Tammie Mason)
To keep those pesky mosquitoes at bay when you are sitting around the pool or on the patio, place a White dinner plate on a table and put a little Lemon Joy dish washing liquid in the middle. For some reason, the Lemon scent attracts and kills the mosquitoes.
Give It A Try - It Works !
Health Ti
(Contributed by Rhea Graves)
Two weeks prior to visiting the Vilano Beach, take a 100mg, B-1 Vitamin twice per day, then one per day while at the Beach, and you won't be bothered by Mosquitoes.
The Dude Tried It. . .And It WORKS !
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