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October 2003

October 1, 2003

Fuelish

(Contributed by Jimmy Connor)

A couple of drinkin' buddies, who are airplane mechanics, are in the hanger at the St. Augustine / St. Johns County Airport; it's fogged-in and they have nothing to do.  One of them says to the other, "Man, have you got anything to drink?"

"Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel. . .that'll kinda give you a buzz."

So they do, get smashed, and have a beautiful time; like only drinkin' buddies can do.

The following morning, one of them wakes up and he knows his head will explode if he gets up.  but it doesn't!  He gets up and feels good, in fact, he feels great. . .NO hangover!

The phone rings. . .it's his buddy.  The buddy says, "Hey, how do you feel?"

He says, "I feel great!"

The buddy says, "I feel great too!  I don't have a hangover. . .we ought to do this more often."

"Yeah, we could, but there's just one thing. . ."

"What's that?"

"Did you fart yet?"

"No. . .Why. . .?"

"Well, DON'T. . .'cause I'm in Phoenix !!"

Father & Son At A Bar

(Contributed by Gerry Jones)

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love

After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.

Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left....then to the right....right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief.

The bartender sighs and says...
 

(wait for it)

 

(it's coming)

 

(Ya ready?)

(don't hate me)

(take a deep breath)

"He should have quit while he was a head!"

October 3, 2003

Work or Play

(Contributed by Paul Burleson)

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin, because he is not sure if sex is work or play.  He asked a priest for his opinion on this question.

The priest says, after consulting the Bible, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive sex is work, and is not permitted on Sundays."

The man thinks, "What does a priest know of sex?"

He goes to a minister, a married man. . .experienced. . .for the answer.  He queries the minister and receives the same reply, "Sex is work and not for the Sabbath."

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority, a man of thousands of years of tradition and knowledge, a Rabbi.

The Rabbi ponders the question and states, "My son, sex is definitely play!"

The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure. . .when so many others tell me sex is work!?"

The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work. . .my wife would have the maid do it!"

October 4, 2003

Water. . .More Water. . .

(Contributed by Linda Anderson)

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir.

A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well.
 

October 5, 2003

The Bus Ride

(Contributed by Annie Suggart)

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend for a bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is whooping it up, having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. They all had white knuckles.

The brunette says, "What's goin' on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the blondes looks up and says to her, "Yeah, but you've got a driver."
 

October 6, 2003

I Know !

(Contributed by Glenda Arnold)

Martha was on her deathbed, with he husband Burt at her side.  He held her cold hand as his silent tears streamed down his face.

"Burt," she said, weakly.

"Hush," he interrupted, "don't talk." But she insisted.

"Burt," she continued, "I have something to confess."

"There is nothing to confess," said the weeping Burt.  "It's all right.  Everything is all right."

"No, no.  I must die in peace.  I must confess, Burt, that I have been unfaithful to you."

Burt stroked her hand.  "Now, Martha, don't be concerned.  I know all about it," he sobbed.

"You do?" she gasped.

"Sure! Why else would I poison you?"

October 7, 2003

Ode To The Golden Years

(Contributed by Bob Evans)

The Golden Years are here at last,
The days of toil and strife are past.

I cannot see, I cannot pee,
I cannot chew, I cannot screw.

My memory shrinks,
My hearing stinks.

No sense of smell,
I look like hell.

The Golden Years have come at last.
The Golden Years can KISS MY ASS!
 

October 8, 2003

Actual Bloopers From Church Bulletins

(Contributed by Rick Binkley)

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.  It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
 

October 9, 2003

How Can We Have An Oil Shortage In America ??

(Contributed by J.P.)

This is such a simple explanation.

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America.
Well, there's a very simple answer......

Nobody bothered to check the oil !!  We just didn't know we were getting low.

The reason for that is purely geographical.
All our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California, and Oklahoma; and.....

All our dipsticks are in Washington, DC.
 

October 10, 2003

Alabama Questions

(Contributed by Sue Ellen Bennett)

Q:  What has 99 legs and 49 teeth?

A:  The front row at a Willie Nelson Concert

* * * * * * * * * *

Q:  What does a 12 year old Alabama girl say when she looses her virginity?

A:  Get off me, Daddy!  You're crushing my cigarettes!

* * * * * * * * * *

If a Alabama woman divorces her husband. . .

Is he still her brother?

October 11, 2003

Newspaper Headlines In The Year 2035

(Contributed by Gloria Franks)

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.

Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.

35 year study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.

Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.
 

October 12, 2003

Order Up

(Contributed by Bradley Stevenson)

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated.  All the waitresses are gorgeous.  A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit, comes to his table and asks, "What would you like, sir?"

He looks at the menu, scans her beautiful frame from top to bottom, and then answers, "A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.  After regaining her composure, she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"

Again, the man thoroughly checks her out and answers, "A quickie, please."

This time, her anger takes over!  She reaches over and slaps him across the face, with a resounding "SMACK," and storms away.

The man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."

October 13, 2003

Taber's Medical Encyclopedia

Smoky Mountain Tennessee Edition

(Contributed by Bubba Ogle)

ARTERY - The study of paintings

BACTERIA - The back door of a cafeteria

BARIUM - What doctors do when a patient dies

BOWEL - A little like "A, E, I, O, U"

CAESARIAN SECTION - A neighborhood in Rome

CAT SCAN - A search for a kitty

CAUTERIZE - Make eye contact with her

COLIC - A sheep dog

D & C - Where Washington is

DILATE - To live long

ENEMA - Not a friend

FESTER - Quicker

GENITAL - Not a Jew

G.I. SERIES - Soldier ball game

HANGNAIL - A coat hook

IMPOTENT - Distinguished, well-known

LABOR PAIN - Get hurt at work

MEDICAL STAFF - A doctor's cane

MORBID - A higher offer

NITRATES - Cheaper than day rates

NODE - Was aware of

OUTPATIENT - A patient who has fainted

PAP SMEAR - A fatherhood test

PELVIS - A cousin of Elvis

POST-OPERATIVE - A letter carrier

RECOVERY ROOM - A place to do upholstery

RECTUM - Purdy near kilt 'em

SEIZURE - Roman Emperor

TABLET - A small table

TERMINAL ILLNESS - Getting sick at the airport

TUMOR - More than one

URINE - Opposite of "You're Out"

VARICOSE - Nearby

VEIN - Conceited

DRUG - Pulled on the ground

October 14, 2003

Batter Up !

(Contributed by Eddie Faulkner)

After spending three and a half hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the Florida Department of Motor Vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for a friend's son.

I brought my selection. . .a baseball bat. . .to the cash register.

"Cash or Charge?" the clerk asked.

"CASH," I snapped.  Then apologizing for my rudeness. . .I explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the Department of Motor Vehicles building."

"Shall I gift wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly, "Or are you going back there?"

October 15, 2003

October 16, 2003

Flat Tire

(Contributed by Shaun Szarnicki)

A group on nuns were traveling in a car when it got a flat tire. They got out and tried to change it, but being rather unworldly did not know how to do it.

Luckily, a truck came along and the male driver offered to change it for them. They gladly accepted.

As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. Holy shit" he yelled.

The eldest nun said to him, "That is not nice language. We understand that you are upset, but you mustn't use such language."

"Sorry, Sister," he said, and tried again. Again it slipped, this time almost mashing his fingers. holy shit" he yelled again.

"Please, don't use such language. If changing our tire is causing you to do so, it would be better if you didn't help us." "But I get so upset, and it just comes out."

"Well," said the nun, "say something else when you get upset, something like 'Sweet Jesus, help me.'"

So the trucker tried to jack up the car again. Again it slipped. He started to say "holy...", but he corrected himself and said, "Sweet Jesus help me."

At that, the car floated up into the air by itself.

The nuns looked at the car and said, "holy shit!"
 

October 17, 2003

Ghosts

(Contributed by Jim Clark)

A professor at the University of Arkansas was giving a lecture on the Supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asked, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raised their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've seen a ghost?

About 40 students raised their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously.

Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

15 students raised their hands.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raised their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one more question ... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Billy Bob, way in the back raised his hand.

The professor took off his glasses, peers toward the back of the room and says, "Son, in all the years I've been teaching this class, no one has claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and made his way to the podium. As he reached the front of the room, the professor said, "Well, now, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Billy Bob replied, "Shhhiiiiiittt! From way back thar I thought You said, "Goats"!!
 

October 18, 2003

Cyber Sex

(Contributed by Brenda Stewart)

A woman. . .completely fed up with her husband's A.O.L. obsession. . .finally takes matters into her owns hands

One night, as he is sitting at the computer. . .she goes into the bedroom. . .takes off all her clothes. . .puts on a full length mink coat. . .and posts herself between her husband and the computer.

She pulls open the coat and yells, "Time for Super Sex ! ! !"

He ignores her.

So she repeatedly yells, "Super Sex, Super Sex, Super Sex!"

Finally, he replies, "Ok, Ok. . .I'll take the soup."

October 19, 2003

Short Takes

(Contributed by Andre' D'Elena)

A recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex.  It was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that started with the letter "T".

Examples of those days are as follows:

Tuesday, Thursday, Thanksgiving, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, Thunday
  _________________________________

A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night:

5% said it was to get a glass of water,
12% said it was to go to the toilet,
83% said it was to go home.
__________________________________

(Q) What's the best form of birth control after 50?

(A) Nudity
__________________________________

(Q) What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

(A) 45 lbs
__________________________________

(Q) What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

(A) 45 minutes
 

October 20, 2003

Baseball Fan

(Contributed by Ellen Butler)

A Scottish man was at a baseball game. It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly. The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double. Everyone was on their feet screaming "Run, run!"

This happened two more times, with a single and a triple. The Scottish man was now excited and ready to get into the game.

The next batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called "walk" and the batter started on a slow trot to first. The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, "R-R-Run ye bastard, rrrun!"

Everyone around him started laughing so the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down. The fan sitting next to the Scotsman noticed his embarrassment, so he leaned over and explained, "He can't run because he got four balls."

The Scotsman immediately stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride, man! Walk with pride!"
 

October 21, 2003

Holy Woods

(Contributed by Peter Woodward)

The Pope met with the Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, leader of the Jewish nation.

"Your Holiness," said on the the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior by challenging you to a golf match."

The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.  "Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "We'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus.  We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres - we can't loose!"

Everyone agreed it was a good idea.  The call was made, and of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, "Cardinal Nicklaus" reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the results of the match.  "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Second!?" exclaimed the surprised Pope.  "You came in second to Shimon Peres!!??"

"No," Nicklaus said, "second to Rabbi Tiger Woods!"

October 22, 2003

Lie-Clocks

(Contributed by Carolyn Pigeon)

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

Where's George W. Bush's clock?" asked the man.

Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

October 23, 2003

Miranda Right

(Contributed by Ed Abbot)

A female police officer arrests a man for drunk  driving. She tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, can, and will, be held against you..."

  The drunk replies:   "Tits."
 

October 24, 2003

Gas

(Contributed by Cheryl Evans)

"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging stomach.

"Why, no Father," answered the nun. . ."It's just a little gas."

A few months later, Father Dan put the same question to the nun, noticing her habit barely fit across her belly.

"Oh, just a bit of gas," said Sister Ann, blushing a bit.

On his next visit, Father Dan was walking down the corridor, when he passed Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage.  Looking in, the priest observed, "Cute little Fart!"

October 25, 2003

Still A Virgin

(Contributed by Ellen Butler)

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

October 26, 2003

New Career

(Contributed by Annie Suggart)

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and the pressures &was on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and become an auto-mechanic.

He found out from the local technical college what was involved signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time for the practical exam approached, the Gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there >had been an error which needed adjusting."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark.

You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." The instructor went on to say, " I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler.
 

October 27, 2003

Golf Course

(Contributed by Harvey Turner)

Four married guys go golfing on Sunday.  During the 3rd hole, the follow conversation ensued:

First Guy:  "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend.  I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second Guy:  "That's nothing. . .I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third Guy:  "Man, you both have it easy!  I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continued to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word.  So they ask him, "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend.  What's the deal?"

Fourth Guy:  "That's easy!  I just set my alarm for 5:30AM.  When it goes off. . .I shut off the alarm. . .gave the wife a poke and said, 'Golf Course or Intercourse?'  So she says, 'Wear your sweater.'"

October 28, 2003

Family Secret

(Contributed by J.P.)

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"

The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband! Please, go away and leave me alone."

A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."
 

October 29, 2003

Best Memory

(Contributed by Henry Perry)

The guys are debating who has the best memory:

The first guy says, "I can remember the first day of my first Grade class."

The second guy says, "I can remember the first day at Nursery School."

Not to be outdone, the third guys says, "Hell, that's nothing!  I can remember going to the Senior Prom with my father, and coming home with my mother!"

October 30, 2003

Why Do Tennesseans Wear Orange Vests?

(Contributed by Bobby Everest)

1.  Friday, they can wear them hunting.

2.  Saturday, they can wear them to the Vols football game.

3.  Sunday, they can wear them to church.

4.  Monday, they can wear them on the road crew.

October 31, 2003

Vampires

(Contributed by Shaun Szarnicki)

Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were having a little trouble deciding where to go. They were tired of the local food in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic. After some discussion, they decided to go to ITALY because they had heard that ITALIAN food was really good.

So off they went to ITALY and ended up in VENICE. On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited for dinner. A few minutes later they noticed a young couple walking their way. As they neared, the vampires made their move. Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry and tossed the remaining bodies into the canal below.

The vampires were extremely pleased with their meal and decided to have seconds. Another young couple approached a few minutes later and suffered the same fate as the first -- sucked dry and tossed into the canal below.

Our vampires are now fairly full but decide to get dessert. In a short while a third young couple provides just that. As with the first two couples, these people were also sucked dry and tossed over the rail into the canal.

The vampires decided that they had had a marvelous dinner but that it was time to head back home.

As they started to walk away they began to hear some singing. They were puzzled because no one else was on the bridge. As they listened, they realized that it was coming from the canal. They looked over the rail and saw a big alligator in the water under the bridge, feasting on the bodies. They listened as the alligator sang:

Do you know what he sang?

You don't know what the alligator sang, do you?

".....Drained wops keep falling upon my head..."