Peanut the Beach Bum Beagle's Page

www.FloridaDude.com - www.FlaDude.com - www.FlDude.com

"Dogs are not our whole lives,

but they make our lives whole."

* Peanut The Beach Bum Beagle *

She Hasn't Met A Person. . .She Didn't Lick. . .

She Doesn't speak Dog - She Speaks Humanimal !

My Pictures First - Then The Jokes - Hey Dude, I'm A Female

"The Lady Of The House"

"See, The Grass IS Greener on Vilano Beach"

"My Favorite Pose," says Peanut, on HER Couch !

"If I Had A Beggin Strip Right Now, I'd Be SO Happy"

"Up - Down - Up - Down. These Push-Ups Are Killing Me !"

"I Am So FULL ! - Dog Bless You Purina"

"I Sure Do Love You"

*My History*

I was born outside Nashville on December 8, 1997. My Paw's name is Beaver Creek's Buck Van, and my Maw's name is Tetter's Mountain Dottie. We are all Pedigreed Hunting Beagles from Tetter's Mountain Kennels!

I was adopted by A. J. (The Dude) on January 28, 1998, and I moved into his house in Knoxville, TN. He had a real nice house, and a HUGE corner lot. I really liked it in Knoxville. Then in December 1999. . .things changed. He began moving things, putting his and MY things in boxes. . .I thought maybe I had done something wrong, and he was getting rid of me. I was SO upset. I followed him like a shadow.

Well, on January 1, 2000, he woke me up at 4AM, made he go out in 18 degree weather, and put me in a B I G truck. The good thing is. . .he got in also. We drove hour after hour, and I got to stop ever-so-often, and smell things I have never smelled before. The air even smelled different!

Then, at 4PM, we stopped. I was SO afraid!! But to my surprise, Dad let me out of the big truck. . .and it was a warm 65 degrees, sunny, and the grass was green, birds were flying around. . .but the trees didn't look right. Then he said, Peanut, welcome to our new home in Flori-DUH.

We live on Vilano Beach, on a B I G corner lot. . .and I have the biggest bathtub you have ever seen in my back yard. He calls it an in-ground swimming pool. Dad likes it, but, I fell in once, and went to the bottom. . .so I don't get in anymore. . .I am scared of it. He takes a shower every morning, then gets in this big bathtub every night. I just don't understand that. . .

AND if that is not enough, we go to something two blocks up the street called a Beach. There is a H U G E bathtub there, and sand is all over the edge of it. I love barking and chasing the B I G birds!! There are these things that jump out of the water that Dad calls Doll Fins. I haven't figured out what they are. They are way too big to be dogs and they don't get close enough for me to smell them!

Well, if you ever get to where-ever Flori-DUH is. . .come see me. ARF

Oh, by the way. . .when you visit. . .watch out for the WATER !! We walk and run down the beach, and when you get close to the water, (he calls it The Ocean), the water chases you back up the beach. It goes back. . .I run after it. . and it chases me back again. I just can't figure that out !!??

Hope you enjoy the rest of MY WebPage !!!

PEANUT. . .The Stealth Beagle

(My Registered Name)

And don't you forget it !!

Okay, my butt is showing. . .but don't you dare call me a Smart Ass !!

I want the Street to be named: Peanut-Beach Bum Beagle Blvd

Doesn't that have a nice rhyme to it?

Hey Florida Dude. . .Read This ! I want a Boy Friend !!

Wish I could drive a Car !

*Nut's Network*

* Peanut's World-Wide Friends *

From the City that brought us the 1982 World's Fair - Here is Chico

Chico's Master is "Lying John" Smith of Knoxville, TN

NutDog's Big Lick Connection - MAX

(with a Michael Vick Doll In His Mouth)

Max's Master is Cameron Michael Murray of Roanoke, VA

NutDog's Professional Racing Pal - Velvet

I raced, and was a WINNER in South Florida before I moved to Daytona Beach Kennels.

I then retired and moved to Saint Augustine to enjoy the Old City Salt Life.

Velvet's owners are Charlie and Laurie Willwerth of St. Augustine, FL

Nutter's West Coast Friends - Pal & Sisaroo in Camas, Washington

Pictured with DeeDee Cook, their Master

Sisaroo & Pal enjoy a car ride in the Northwest forest

A NutDog Pal - A Miniature Dachshund Patrick, from Texas

Pit Bull Brenda Lee and German Sheppard Willy are other of NutDog's Lone Star State Buddies

Willy knows how to enjoy Christmas gifts

Brenda Lee & Willy are owned by Peggie Morgan

Sadly, Willey passed away on Dec 12, 2007

Boardman is the home of Peanut's Ohio buddy, Chuck

A. J. Served In Vietnam With Chuck's Owner, Dave Cuva

* Chuck passed away in his Master's arms at 9:15 AM on Sunday Dec 2, 1007 *

Peanut's Legal Legger, Barney in KnoxFULL Tennessee

(My Masters are Wade & Tracy)

Peanut's Carolina Connection - Over 17 Years Old Max in Statesville, North Carolina

- Passed Away Sunday Morning, June 4, 2006 -

(My Master was Gerry J.)

Peanut's Chow-Pal Chingka - In St. Augustine, FL

(My Master is Richard M.)

Peanut's Kissin Kuzen Maggie Mae - In KnoxFULL, TN

Maggie Mae, Give Pam A Kiss. . .

Maggie Mae Sees Something - A Rabbit Maybe?

(My Master is Pam U.)

Peanut's Taylors, SC Buddy Nikki

(My Master is Ellen B.)

Peanut's Pampered Buddy Britney in California

(My Master is Sue Wilson.)

Peanut's Buddy, 13 week-old Boston Terrier "Nemo" in St. Augustine, FL

(My Master is Tammie M.)

Peanut's Beagle-Buddy "Bugsy," in Saint Charles, Missouri

* As of April 2006, NutDogs NEW Brother & Sister *

Peanut's Smoky Mtn. Buddies, Rusty - Buffy & Rusty in Knoxville, TN

(Our Master is Gloria S.)

Peanut's Pals on Halloween Here On The Beach

If you would like to see your Dog's picture on my Nut's Network, eMail ME, Peanut, your Friend-For-Life's picture, and I will add it to this page. ARF

Important Letter

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.   Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.   Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.   Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.   I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.   Dogs and cats are better than kids ..they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.

*The Nut Dog's Jokes *

How Many Dogs does it Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?

(Contributed by Harold Benson)

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!

Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!

Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .

Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Malamute: Let the Border collie do it.. You can feed me while he's busy.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

How to Photograph a New Puppy

(Contributed by Gloria Franks)

1. Remove film from box and load camera.

2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.

3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.

4. Choose a suitable background for photo

5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.

6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.

7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.

8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.

9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.

10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.

11. Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.

12. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.

13. Put magazines back on coffee table.

14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.

15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.

16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"

17. Clean up mess.

18. Fix a drink.

19. Sit back in chair with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.

If Dogs Sent Letters to God...

(Contributed by Pam Cope)

Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God, When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride!

Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God, Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:

I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying 'hello.'

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

Dear God, May I have my testicles back?

A Letter To My Dog(s)
(Contributed by Gloria Franks)

Dear Dogs,

When I say to move,
it means go someplace else,
not switch positions with each other
so there are still two dogs in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food..

The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle
of my plate and food does not stake a claim
for it becoming your food and dish,
nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack.

Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help,
because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed.
I am very sorry about this.

Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Look at videos of dogs sleeping,
they can actually curl up in a ball.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end
to maximize space used is nothing
but doggy sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time,
there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there
and manage to get the door shut,
it is not necessary to claw, whine,
try to turn the knob, or get your paw
under the edge and try to pull the door open.
I must exit through the same door I entered.

In addition,
I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me,
then go smell the other dogs butt.
I cannot stress this enough.
It would be such a simple change for you.

Rules for non pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets.

The dog lives here.
You don't.

If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.

To you, she's a dog.
To me, she's an adopted Daughter
who is short, hairy, walks on all fours
and doesn't speak clearly.

Why Dogs are better than kids:

They eat less,
Don't ask for money all the time,
Are easier to train,
Usually come when called,
Never drive your car,
Don't hang out with drug-using friends,
Don't smoke or drink,
Don't worry about buying the latest fashions,
Don't wear your clothes,
Don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups.

The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep.

Top 10 Reasons Beagles Can't Use Computers

10.	They can't stick their heads out of Windows 98.
9.	The FETCH command isn't available on all platforms.
8.	It's too messy to "mark" every Web site they visits.
7.	They can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail".
6.	The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating.
5.	Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that they are browsing Purina's website instead of working.
4.	Three words: carpal paw syndrome.
3.	Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
2.	SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.

	And the number one reason why Beagles can’t use computers…

1.	They are distracted by cats chasing the mouse.

Top 15 Dog Pet Peeves About Humans

1	When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.

2	Blaming your farts on me...not funny.

3	Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!

4	How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?)

5	Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?

6	Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.

7	Yelling at me for rubbing my butt on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet?

8	Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet...idiot.

9	How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

10	Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur?

11	Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your shit up when you're not home.

12	When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?

13	Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.

14	The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you turd.

15	Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us?

10 Reasons why it's Great to be a Dog...

1	If you have an itch - you can reach it, and no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.

2	No one notices if you have hair growing out of weird places when you start to get older.

3	Personal hygiene is a cinch. No one expects you to take a bath every day and you don't have to comb your hair.

4	Having a wet, slimey nose is considered a sign of good health.

5	No one thinks less of you for passing gas. In fact, some people might even consider it to be cute.

6	Who needs a big home entertainment system. A solid bone or and old shoe can entertain you for hours.

7	You can spend countless hours just wandering around and smelling stuff

8	It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the same old people

9	No one expects you to play for your own food. you never have to worry about table manners and if you gain weight, it's someone else's fault.

10	Every single garbage can looks like an all you can eat buffet

Proposed New Dog Breeds

Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot

Bloodhound + Borzoi = Bloody Bore, a dog that's not much fun

Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Pekeasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

Bull Terrier + Shihtzu = Bullshitz, a gregarious but unreliable breed

(NOTE: If you cross a Maltese with any other breed, it's a Maltese Cross.)

The Beagle Dictionary

BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A maneuver to use as a last resort when the regular bump doesn't get the attention you require...especially effective when combined with The Sniff.

SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating, it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls, and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously.

GARBAGE CAN: A container that your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right, you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume, and moldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly, and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into bushes, at which point you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a maladay that affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running the opposite direction.

LEASH: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him or her to go.

DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your person has food and you do not. To do this properly, you must sit as close
as you can and look sad, and let the drool fall to the floor or better yet on their lap.

SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Put your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply. Repeat several times or until your person or the other dog's makes you stop.

Beagle Property Laws

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours.

www.FloridaDude.com